NEW JACK JOHNSON ALBUM COVER FEATURES CONTROVERSIAL PICTURE OF BEACH.

In a brazen move that has shocked the world of music and people worldwide, singer/songwriter/charlatan Jack Johnson has released a new album of laid-back acoustic tunes featuring a lascivious photo of an ocean view at dusk. The unseemly photo in question also features an inexplicably free-standing acoustic guitar, protruding from the album’s cover as a chilling reminder of the easygoing and ribald content therein.

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Though the nefarious troubadour declined to comment, sources close to the aptly-named Johnson say that the constant and desperate pleas of those around him to choose a less risky image fell upon deaf ears. “It’s all good, man” insisted the super-chill balladeer, presumably at knife-point.

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Since the album’s release, the socio-politically charged cover “art” has spawned a multitude of protests from extremist groups and concerned parents alike. “What I worry about is the children,” said Mary-Sue-Ellen-Lynn Bakersmith, picketing outside a Starbucks in Toledo, Ohio which sells the music of the Beast next to the register. “What are kids going to think? That life is all about hacky-sack and jamming out to crunchy tunes? With their bare feet in the sand and a string of shells around their neck? Like some sort of Corona beers advertisement? I don’t think so.” She then added “I mean, come on,” as she lit herself on fire in protest.

More as this story mellows out.

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