Some Things I Love About My Favorite Shirt

 

I look great in my favorite shirt.

It has the name of the brand right on the front, so people know that I got it at my favorite store.

It has stopping power. People always notice me when I’m wearing my favorite shirt.

I can wear it to any and all clubs, of either the night or country varieties.

I can accessorize with my favorite shirt. Vest, cummerbund, sash, you name it.

It’s dry-clean only, so you know it’s quality.

I can button it halfway up, halfway down or side-to-side, whatever I feel like.

It’s soft on my skin, no need to wear an undershirt.

The hood keeps my hair dry when it rains.

The microfiber-sheep’s wool blend keeps me cool in the summer and warm in the winter.

Whether tucked, untucked or tied on the side into a crop-top, its shape remains consistently trapezoidal.

The toggle buttons are made of 100% pure bison hoof.

The gold-lace shoulder pads make me look distinguished.

It has 46 pockets for maximum utility.

It accentuates my athletic elbows.

The LED lights are perfect for when it’s time to party, or for a pickup game of B-ball.

The hand-crafted leather tassels are 3 feet long.

There’s a tube that I can blow into to inflate it, in case I’m on a ship and fall overboard.

It has a built-in dock for my tablet.

The reflective stripes keeps me safe from cars on the road at night.

It’s reversible.

The sleeves zip off when it gets too hot in here, if you know what I mean.

The steel girders keep my posture true.

It has exactly the right amount of ruffles.

It weighs over 18 pounds.

I saw a picture of Johnny Depp wearing it the other day. He’s my favorite actor.

I got it on sale.

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